EDITOR’S NOTE: After several days of intense contemplation, meditation, and prescription medication, along with a couple of day trips to Boulder, our resident “non-believer-in-anything,” also known as Hammer, has decided to delve into the astrological sciences. The following is his take and his take only:
Taurus April 20-May 20 (The Bull) The stars say you are a sensual creature and ruled by Venus, the planet of love and desire. I say “Bull.” I dated a Taurus and just like the car I once owned, she was plain, sluggish and hard to get warmed up. Taurens love nature and natural things, but due to a fondness for comfort and a tendency to be lazy, I don’t think we’ll be camping together. The stars also say you tend to be musical and good at business. Well I say, take it from me, you can’t be both. Celebrity Taurens Jessica Alba, Penelope Cruz and Michelle Pfeiffer show the beauty in your sign, though Willie Nelson, Don Rickles and Yogi Berra shoot that theory all to hell.