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EDITOR'S NOTE: After several days of intense contemplation, meditation, and prescription medication, along with a couple of day trips to Boulder, our resident 'non-believer-in-anything', also known as Hammer, has decided to delve into the astrological sciences. The following is his take and his take only.

Pisces
(The Fish)
Feb 20-Mar 20

You Pisces, are prone to swelling, allergic reactions to drugs and injuries to the feet. I’m not sure if I’m reading the stars or the warning label for Viagra. You are emotionally vulnerable, clinging and melancholic which explains why we mostly avoid you. You are the twelfth sign and ruled by Jupiter and someone they call New Age Neptune. I think he’s Kenny G’s bass player. Jupiter gives you your thirst for knowledge, while New Age Neptune gives you bland, boring, mind-numbing music. Pisces is both a dual and water sign but, sorry to say, your sign looks like a view of two dead fish in the bottom of a bucket. That might mean something, might not. Celebrity Pisceses, Piscesians, or whatever you’re called includes three more mind-numbers of the music business: Karen Carpenter, Lawrence Welk and Michael Bolton.
Aries
(The Ram)
Mar 21-Apr 19

Ariens, besides having a symbol resembling the winner of the Westminster Dog Show, have masses of energy and courage but are very hard-headed. Usually lacking in discipline and the capacity for prolonged effort, you sound like the average American youth to me. Unfortunately, these traits do carry over to adulthood; that is if you ever reach that milestone. You tend to be overly impulsive, then get bored and wander off. You need to overcome these traits, get your own place and get your stuff out of my garage. Sorry, getting a little personal there. Some may think I’m speaking of my youngest child, but she is not an Aries. Then again, if the hoof fits… The stars say you are subject to headaches and fevers, though you may tend to give more than you receive. Celebrity Ariens include: Steven Tyler, Rosie O’Donnell, Conan O’Brian and M.C. Hammer. What was that I said about adulthood?

Iconocaust Album Advance
Judas Complex

One of Colorado’s premiere heavy metal acts has had fans salivating at the prospect of hearing a new album release from them for some time now. With the promise of a collection of songs that would far surpass anything they had previously done to date, Iconocaust is ready to unleash the beast of an album known as Judas Complex upon metal fans with a co-CD release party with Cryogen at the Gothic Theatre on Thursday, February 18.
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Ransom

For nearly a decade, there has been a Colorado band braving the countless waves of ups and downs in the local music scene, gaining audiences’ appreciation and making people take note of their infectious style. They have seen bands, trends and popular styles come and go, yet have still remained true to themselves and their music throughout the process. This band is Ransom.
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Rarebird Guitars
The Bruce Phillip Clay Story

Our metal writer Jake Ryan recently worked on a project titled, "Bring The Gibson V Back To Life," which was Jake’s mission to repair a 1985 Gibson Flying V that someone had hacked to hell and then discarded like a slice of five-day-old pizza. Lucky for the V, it fell into the hands of a man who has a deep appreciation for music and musical instruments. Jake finished the project in April, to see the end result go to www.tdpri.com and look in the Finely Finished section of the website’s forum.
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The Return of Spools

Unless you live under a rock, there was no way you couldn’t know the name Spools Of Dark Thread. At this time last year, they were flirting with the peak of their popularity in the Colorado local metal scene, with some even referring to them as the kings of local metal.
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When Pigs Fly

I now have a new travel planner. The next time the Center for Disease Control or the World Health Organization declares a, "Threat to all of humanity," I’m booking a trip. I recently returned from that hotbed of swine flu, Mexico and had probably my best vacation yet: no crowds, excellent service, my choice of rooms and, oh yeah, no swine flu either.
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Sanguine Addiction

Colorado’s local metal scene is commonly split up into three hubs: Denver, Northern Colorado and Colorado Springs. Rarely do bands have the ability to carry a fan following and gain notoriety in an area outside of their own. However, Colorado Springs’ Sanguine Addiction has been doing just that for many years. And, with a new album recorded and nearing release, they are poised to make yet another surge to expand on what they’ve already accomplished.
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Welcome to Cougar Country

A lot of the folks are worried about the coyotes around here and the safety of their pets. They ought to be more concerned about the cougars and the safety of their young boys. I’m not talking about the feline type, though these can be pretty catty themselves. I’m talking about the new phenomenon of older women preying on younger men. The cougars I’m talking about also have fangs and claws, some even have cute little tails, but I tell you what: these are no dumb animals. These cats don’t eat their young; they will eat yours’ though.
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Devil Got 5

There’s something about seeing a band work hard for the recognition they get, earning every step they take up the ladder in the music scene, that makes you proud when both fans and the music community appreciate the art they create. One such band that has done this is Denver’s Devil Got 5. Though still fairly new to the scene, people have begun to recognize their talent and originality, and they have been rewarded with shows at some of the state’s most influential venues.
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Come on, Be A Sport

As most of you may know, I am a musician and a writer, which is another way of saying, unemployed. I get paid as a musician, but free beer will only take you so far. I’m also tired of telling editors, after they tell me I’ll get great, "Exposure," in their magazine, that people die here in Colorado of, "Exposure." I am also an avid sports fan so why not incorporate that into a job search? I have recently been studiously examining the local sports/employment scene for opportunities and this is what I have found.
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No 1 Left Standing

For many years, the worlds of heavy metal and hip hop have collided with in several projects and musical acts. These seemingly polar opposites have somehow gravitated towards each other, and made for a recipe for success by bridging genres and creating a larger mass appeal. However, Denver’s No 1 Left Standing has managed to meld these two genres of music into a style that forces you look at it as a style in and of itself rather than a mixture of the two.
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